We know that one of the most stressful parts of adoption is writing your birth parent letter and making your adoption profile. Thoughts like, “I hope a birth mom likes us!” and “What do we include in order be noticed?” are common. We asked multiple birth moms from various walks of life what stood out to them when choosing their couple. This word cloud shows some of the various things mentioned (with things mentioned over and over being the largest).

Here are some direct quotes from birth moms in regards to what they noticed about their couple:

“I liked how active they looked. They posted pictures of them going on hikes and swimming in the area they lived.” -M

“I agreed to meet with them and one of the first things [the adoptive father] said to me was, ‘We don’t just want a baby and we don’t just want a baby and a birth mom. We want a baby, a birth mom, and a whole family.’ This of course was important because I had been turned down and had turned down other prospective couples due to me wanting much more openness than was comfortable for most couples.” -B

“I love how adventurous they seemed through photos of their travels and silly things they like to do, it reassured me they were prepared to take on adventure that we were about to experience together and that they were excited about their journey as parents. It also helped me to see they had LIVED and had neat experiences that were about them developing as themselves before changing courses taking on parenting.” -S

“I love all the FAMILY pictures they included. The fact that they loved being with them and enjoying all their nieces and nephews. They LOVE their family!”- J

“we connected with them about video games (the husband mainly lol) and books/reading. We also wanted a couple who didn’t already have children which of course was a prerequisite before the agency even sent us any profiles.” -R

“Although i never knew them before considering them for adoption. When I met them, I just knew. My child would be her world. I was carrying a child, but she was meant to be that child’s mom. I did not want to give my child to this woman. I wanted to give this woman to my child.” -M

” [The couple] had a page dedicated to their favorite places which happen to be some of my favorite places too, i.e. Disneyland, the beach, MAUI!”- B

“I liked that they looked like normal everyday people. The profile was very plain, it wasn’t dressed up with lace and bows and all scrapbook-y. It stood out because they didn’t do anything to try to make them stand out. I felt like I was getting the real them.” -N

“When we had our first meeting they just made me feel extremely comfortable. They brought pictures of their house and their dog. I loved that they included the dog. I am a dog person.” -R

“I love that they included photos of all their family so I could “meet” the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It helped me to see all the people who were cheering them on and would come to be my family too.” -S

“I chose them because, yes, it felt right. My daughter is where she was meant to be.” -B

“We liked the fact that they had been together/married so long.. they had been together 3 years prior to their 10 year old marriage.” -R

“What stood out for me was the mom has tattoos and looks super fun and I felt like the husband was quirky and funny just by looking at a few photos i felt an attraction to them.” -S

“The couple I chose were not totally opposite but in a lot of things opposite of what I was looking for. I wanted a young couple with no kids who were hip and not too churchy. Healthy but not too health nutty. Well I ended up with a very religious couple who had been married many years and had already had one child of their own. And way more annoying health nut then my mom lol. But they were “them” it hit me in the face.” -J

“The family looked like real people. The kids had mismatched socks, mom looked EXHAUSTED. Pictures of the kids eating sand or in drawers in the closet covered in chocolate. They were themselves unapologetically.” -M

I hope these sweet birth moms sharing their insights can help you see that the best thing you can do for your profile is to BE YOU UNAPOLOGETICALLY! (Thanks for the quote, M). When the situation is right, the real you will stand out in the right ways for the sweet birth mom who is carrying your child.

We are also always happy to help you review your birth parent letter and profile. We have been doing this for many years and can help you gain some ideas on how to present the real you in your profiles. Remember that all casework services are free to UAS couples. Can’t beat that!